So I don’t usually talk about my job on here, but this was too good to pass up. I work as a librarian and I answer questions over chat. This was one I got today. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
| Patron:10:40:13 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) | Chat Transcript: HELLO LIBRARY. I AM WRITING TO YOU THAT MY BROTHER STOLE MY COOKIES!!!! |
| Librarian 1: 10:40:13 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Note: Patron’s screen name: WALTER |
| Librarian 1: 10:40:50 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
I’m sorry to hear that Walter. Brothers are like that sometimes. |
| Patron: 10:41:16 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
cna u help mee? |
| Librarian 1: 10:42:03 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
There’s not much I can do for you on that one. Have you tried asking him nicely to return them? |
| Patron: 10:42:35 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
YES. HE STILL WONT GIEV IT BACK. |
| Librarian 1: 10:42:57 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Is he your younger or older brother? |
| Patron: 10:43:24 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
yonger. he is thre and i am seven. |
| Librarian 1: 10:43:45 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
3 huh? It’s hard to reason with a three year old. You might need to ask mom or dad for help. |
| Patron: 10:44:37 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Oh my goodness! I am sorry that my little Walter is writing to you with his own problems that do not even interfere with the library. This is Walter’s mother. |
| Librarian 1: 10:45:25 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Oh that’s okay. |
| Librarian 1: 10:45:30 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
He’s very funny. |
| Patron: 10:45:50 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Really? What did he do? |
| Librarian 1: 10:46:10 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Just that the thing he wrote about his brother not giving back his cookies. |
| Patron: 10:46:14 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
MY BROTEHR IS STUPID |
| Patron: 10:47:10 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Oh my! Clearly someone needs to learn his manners! Typical little boys! |
| Librarian 1: 10:47:30 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
This is the best chat I’ve ever had. |
| Patron: 10:47:47 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Pardon? |
| Librarian 1: 10:48:08 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Nothing, I just meant that Walter was amusing. |
| Patron: 10:48:26 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
This is very unusual. Out of all the people he can talk to ask for help, he chooses the library! |
| Librarian 1: 10:48:53 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Well, we are here to help! Clearly he got the message. Unfortunately I can’t help him get his cookies back. |
| Patron: 10:49:51 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Well, I’m a very busy mom and I’m glad that the library does have a 24/7 chat! Do you think you can keep Walter busy for ten minutes? I need to go downstairs in the basement for the laundry. |
| Patron: 10:50:18 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
I’m sorry if I’m asking too much. Expenses are due today and I have to do my taxes. |
| Librarian 1: 10:50:32 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Unfortunately I dont’ think being on the other end of the computer screen would make me a very good sitter! |
| Patron: 10:51:39 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Unlike other boys, Walter doesn’t like to move around much, considering he’s a bit lazy. He likes to be on the computer all day playing games. I will leave you with Walter if that’s okay with you. |
| Librarian 1: 10:53:06 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Unfortunately I have some other chats that have come in and I have to answer some reference questions. Tell Walter I said good luck getting his cookies back (though by this point, I imagine they’ve been eaten.) |
| Librarian 1: 10:53:09 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Thanks for chatting. |
| Librarian 1: 10:53:12 2014/04/16 (GMT -0400) |
Librarian ended chat session. |
Ally Malinenko 
This seriously happened? Wow.
Yup. Verbatim. (Minus names)