Good Wednesday Morning.
I promised drugs last time didn’t I? Relax, it’s just pot. This segment of the novel is a part of a Colin chapter. He’s been dragged out of the house by friends so he can start acting like a human being. They’re all at the lake getting stoned. Happy reading!
I took out my phone.
“Hi. This is Sarah. You know what to do!”
“Hey Baby. It’s, um…late. Friday night. I’m at the lake with Ben, Slade and Rich. Remember the first time we came out here? Remember how cold the water was? God, we were little then, only in middle school. I liked you even then, Sarah. Man, I was pathetic. It’s amazing you even agreed to date me.” I laughed at the memory and then choked on the smoke as I took another hit. “Remember that summer when we all went skinny dipping? Shit, we were so stoned.” I pulled on the joint and sat down at the edge of the dock.
“That was fun, Sarah. We always had fun together. I think that’s the part I miss the most. I’m out here right now and it just feels forced, like I’m trying to fool myself back into my life. Like if I do the stuff I used to do then it will start my life again. But it isn’t my life anymore. Does that make sense?”
In the distance an owl hooted and Ben’s honking laugh ripped through the quiet. Someone called my name. A girl down on the beach squealed and laughed. Somewhere water splashed.
“Colin!” Marie called again, her voice all sing-songy.
“Those were good times, weren’t they Sarah? Too good, almost like a dream. I guess that’s why when people said you ran away it made me so nuts. Why would you leave this? Why would you even want to? Shit, I’m leaving at the end of August and I can barely believe it. Fucking college.”
“Colin, you fuckface. Get over here with that joint.”
Slade shouted this loud enough to send the birds on the other side of the lake flapping into hysteria. I watched them cut across the night sky. For as fucking loud as he was, it’s amazing we all didn’t get busted by the cops.
“Sarah…” I swallowed, my throat suddenly bone dry. “My shrink, she says I need to let you go or I’ll never get better. I’m scared because sometimes, like right now, sitting on this fucking dock, watching the lake and how fucking beautiful it all is…at times like these I think she’s right. I’m not really living my life. Then I come undone with fucking guilt because why should I live my life? Right, Sarah? If you don’t get to…”
The clouds cleared and up above the stars winked on, one by one, as if someone flipped a switch.
“I’m afraid if I don’t keep this tight fucking grip on you, on everything you meant to me, that you’ll leave me again. I’m so afraid of that happening because the first time I lost you…it hurt too much. I don’t think I can handle losing you all over again.”
“I have to go Sarah,” I stubbed the joint out on the edge of the dock and struggled to stand. “Fuck, Sarah, I have to go. You understand? I think my shrink might be right. I think…Fuck. I think I have to stop leaving these messages because I think it’s fucking me up. I’m so sorry, Sarah. I love you, Baby. I never wanted to lose you. Ever.”
I hung up the phone and joined them. Marie came over, squeezed my arm. She smiled at me and I wanted to smile back, but I suddenly forgot how. The smell of the woods and the lake water was thick in the warm air. The sound of my friend’s laughter floated towards me on a breeze―like a language I used to speak but no longer knew.
“Wanna take that walk, Col?” Marie asked her eyes all wide and outlined in black.
My answer lodged in my throat. It was right there. And it was the truth. I opened my mouth, but I don’t know if it was the pot or just me, but nothing came out.
Okay so only a few more days (hopefully!) before the release of THIS IS SARAH. You can still toss your hat in the ring for a free copy here.
Till next time.
Peace, Love and Starbursts,