Last night I had the honor – and it was was truly that – of being a part of PinkSpeak – a fundraiser held by Mike Geffner of Inspired Word in which all proceeds goes to Pink Daisy, a site dedicated to helping young women with cancer cope with the daily obstacles of life.
It was an amazing night full of incredibly talented people and to have the opportunity to not only hear their stories but to also share mine – to stitches our stories together, to bouy each other up mattered.
When Better Luck Next Year first came out, I had a reading in Pittsburgh for the launch. During the end, I felt that familiar frog in my throat and I got upset. Not like sobbing or anything but you know, talking got a little hard.
I was upset with myself for doing that. I though it was “unprofessional.”
So this time, I swore I wasn’t going to. I was going to have some level of detachment from this material. I was going to be professional. I was an artist, dammit. Act like it.
Anyone who knows me knows that basically you just have to fingernail scratch the surface of me before you hit all the FEELS. It’s just how I’m built. I used to feel bad about it like I couldn’t hold my shit together but there is power in being this emotional. For one, it makes me incredibly empathetic. I would say empathetic to a fault but I don’t believe you can be. It makes you see the world differently.
So when I got nearly to the end of the reading last night and then felt that familiar catch in my throat and that pinprick at my eyes, I was disappointed with myself. I had come so close and still didn’t pull it off.
And then I realized something.
I was getting upset because I was sad or scared or angry.
I wasn’t upset because of cancer.
I was upset because I was overcome with GRATITUDE.
Gratitude that I was able to stand on that stage with so many talented artists and knit my story into theirs, creating a web by which we will all carry each other through this fire.
Gratitude that I’m here now, still standing, with my unflappable love of this life and this universe and all of us.
Gratitude to my old friends and new friends who joined me that night, who were there watching me be as raw as I could be and saying, “It’s all good, girl.”
Gratitude to everyone in the audience and everyone else who couldn’t come but donated so much that Mike posted this this morning:
So thank you all, from the bottom of deeply overwhelmed, emotional, gushing heart.
Peace love and Starbursts,